Fodder-4-Thought


Tipping and Fortune Cookies by MR
January 9, 2008, 5:39 am
Filed under: Restaurants

Tipping–it’s a world I must be oblivious to. I know the 15%-20%
tipping rule for waiters at restaurants (7% for ES), but until
recently I didn’t realize there was apparently a rarely-spoken
etiquette for tipping all over the place. Tipping your maids at a
hotel? Tipping the person who washes your hair at a hair salon? Fine,
I agree, perhaps tipping for a job well done–done to an
extraordinarily well degree–the reason to tip is legitimate.
Example–You get your clothes washed, and you get them back and they
are cleaner the ever, folded perfectly, and smell great–sure, I’ll
throw in a few extra bucks (keep in mind, most people here in NYC has
someone else do their laundry–great service, but that’s another
fodder). However, there is no way I’m tipping a hotel maid for
cleaning my room–that is her job–if she makes my bed and gives me a
clean towel, that’s her essential job responsibilities. wash my hair?
no tip–what did you do so well that made it worth $6 more dollars?
Not to mention on TV i’ve seen so much about what to tip this holiday
season–they actually brought up tipping your postman–huh?

Another thing–fortune cookies. Anyone notice that there are rarely
fortunes in those things anymore? Usually it’s a statement, not a
prediction. “You are close to your family”. What the F? not a
fortune. “You will experience bad karma for not tipping your hair-
washer” — now that’s a fortune.

-JF



Dirty Planes from Mexico by MR
January 9, 2008, 5:29 am
Filed under: Air Travel

Heard a new one just now. The plane I will be on just flew in from Mexico so it will take a little extra time for security measures, CLEANING (which is awesome that she even said that) and to “pull the seats”. Apparently Mexico is so dirty they have to pull the seats out and replace tham after planes come back from there.

-MR

so, when i came back from africa (cameroon) a year ago, three big fat
black ladies got on as we were “pushing off” and released foggers:
anti-mosquito smoke. they walked up and down the aisles releasing
fumes and smoke to kill malaria-infested mosquitos. it smelled nice.
but let me tell you, for peace of mind, i’d prefer some blonde chick
telling me how to buckle the seat belt that i had buckled 10 minutes
earlier.

-JF

“Push back”

-MR



Not Black Enough by MR
January 9, 2008, 5:26 am
Filed under: Race

How come when a political candidate is running for office, and is
black, there is always a debate about whether or not they are “black
enough” to get the black vote. This doesn’t happen with any other
racial or ethnic group. No one is having a conversation about whether
or not some one is “Jew enough” to get the Jewish vote, or “Asian
enough” to get the Asian vote. Why?

-JR



The Hotel Toilet Paper Fold by MR
January 9, 2008, 5:23 am
Filed under: Hotels

i stay at hotels every week. i’ve stayed at 7 different hotels in the
past 3 months. every one of them folds the first sheet of toilet paper
on the dispenser by folding under the corners. a few questions keep
surfacing:

1) what does the folding do? it must be for aesthetic purposes, but
that means that “they” think it looks better like that. i don’t. in
fact, i unfold the corners so i don’t get an uneven disbursement of
toilet paper when i go to wipe my ass. so really, they’re making more
work for me. they’re taking precious time away from me that i could be
using to delete names/phone numbers out of my cell phone of people i
don’t remember putting in there. if they really wanted to be helpful
and make my shitting experience wonderful, they’d give me a padded
toilet seat with a plasma screen mini-TV in front of me. or maybe just
softer toilet paper.

2) i’ve stayed at high-end and low-end hotels that fold. do the maids
from various hotels get together to coordinate this? where did
this “standard” come from? i could see lower end hotels doing “the
fold” to make a shitty hotel look a little “fancier”–like they took
that extra moment to make their guest feel important–but really, if
you’re staying at the westin or ritz, you’re going to pay attention to
the heavenly bed, not the toilet paper origami.

-JF



Blue Shirt Memo by MR
January 9, 2008, 5:20 am
Filed under: Work

This is an addendum (horrible office word) or example scenario for
ES’s “shirt memo” Fodder entry from some time ago…I wore a shirt today that happened to be very similar to a shirt that
a coworker of mine was wearing. Not quite as common as the blue dress
shirt, but a blue striped polo and nothing out of the ordinary. I
happen to work closely with this dude and on an average day we can be
seen together fairly frequently. If I was given a nickel for every
time today that I heard “Oh I didn’t get the memo” or some variation,
I would have about 85 cents. Why the memo joke? I would expect more
gay jokes than anything else. But even the funnier of our coworkers
stooped to the memo joke level. Very disappointing.

Why a nickel? Why not a three-legged dog? Why not a bag of concrete?

-MR

hahahah….great fodder. and the answer to the “why no gay
comments…?” is that gay guys would never wear a plain, blue striped
polo.

and i decided about a year ago to forego the “nickel” and opt for the
“if i had a dollar…”. but you’re right, why is it money anyway? i
like the bag of concrete idea.

-JF

I like the upgrade to a dollar. You have got to adjust for inflation. 85 cents may have bought you dinner for two in 1920 but you can’t even ge a can of pop with thtat now.

-JR

Going back to the gay comments for a sec, straight guys don’t know
that gay guys wouldn’t wear a plain blue striped polo (for example, I
didn’t know that until you just said it, but good to know). So I
maintain that I expected to hear more “oh, did you guys call each
other to see what you were going to wear?”

-MR



Gigantic Menus by MR
January 9, 2008, 5:07 am
Filed under: Restaurants

Restaurant lingo — “start you off”, “leave room for dessert”, etc. Also, Italian places with “appetizers” AND “antipasti”, etc. But one point I wanted to get down before I forgot was…

Gigantic menus. I was at Acadiana the other night where the entire menu was one side of one page. That’s it. Everything you needed, right there. Beautiful. I noticed because I’m so used to the alternative. Another good example is Rays the Steaks. One side, just meat. On the other hand, you go to a place like the f-ing Cheesecake Factory and they give you a leather-bound binder with 20 or 30 laminated pages with lots of pictures and 27 different categories of meals that all have really stupid names. And then you get down to Friday’s or Chili’s and forget about it. There they have pop-up books with animatronics that fold out and dance around to tell you about your food options. So if you are lucky enough to have been given the wine list at a big-menu venue, then there you are juggling binders trying not to knock over everyone’s glasses and somehow fit them both between you and the table since they are impossible to hold and flip through. My message to anyone opening a restaurant: do a few things very well. Just like your resume, fit the menu to one side of one page. Keep it simple.

-MR

Not to mention the ones at Matchbox that are made of wood so if you
wanted to bend them to help fit them into your area at the table…
forget about it. The whole thing is bound with OAK, weighs five
pounds and can’t be bent.

Just give me a one-sided, laminated sheet. I promise I won’t hold it
against the classiness of your restaurant.

-JR

yup, great observation about the menus. i was at a restaurant the other day and the menu was a mini-clipboard with 2 small pages you could read and flip through in about 30 seconds. genius. and another favorite menu style is the one that is on a chalkboard or painted in a central location of the restaurant (like at Buca di Beppo) that you can see from your table.

-JF

Amen. I noticed they now have advertisements for products in the
Chessecake Factory menu. WTF? I already decided to spend my money
here, do you really need to sell me sh-t while I decide what to eat??

Don’t forget to include a special section on Mexican restaurants. They
have over 20 items at Mexican joints, but only 5 ingredients are ever
used: beans, rice, beef or chicken and vegetables. With those limited
ingredients, they are able to make chulupas, burritos, enchiladas,
quesadillas, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

-ES

let me be on the R&D team at taco bell and see what i can come up with. “guys! guys! i’ve got it…this time, we’re going to take the flour tortilla filled with ground beef, lettuce, beans, cheese, sour cream and tomatoes, and we’re going to only fold ONE side of the tortilla and then put some grill marks on it! We can call it the “Cheesy, fiesta, chimichanga, gordita, puta, con queso supreme!” This is gonna be big!”

-JF

Italian restaurants do the same thing…

Spaghetti
Linguini
Lasagna
Chicken Parmesean
All ravioli’s

It’s all just a noodle in one shape or another with your choice of
chicken or beef, marinated in tomato sauce. Not to mention that I
can make it at home, that’s like going to a restaurant for a bowl of
cereal.

Rip off.

-JR



Overhead Storage Bins by MR
January 9, 2008, 4:48 am
Filed under: Air Travel

Memorandum
To: Flight Attendents
From: Management
Re: Standard Operating Prodecure (SOP) for overhead storage bins.

Operations has received several questions recently that were sent up the ladder (UTL) about the overhead storage bins on our aircraft that we would like to address. When the overhead storage bin does not close, it is appropriate procedure to stand on the armrest of the seat across the isle from the overhead storage bin in order to apply one’s weight to the storage bin door to close the door. Do not, under any circumstances, rearrange the luggage inside to fit the storage bin OR remove luggage from the storage bin. Remember, no matter what is in the overhead storage bin, the door WILL close given the proper amount of force. Further, the overhead storage bin door must be closed at all costs.
Failure to close the door will not only be humiliating to you, but it will be noted on your permanent record.

Please remit any questions to your immediate supervisor. And most of all, thank you for your hard work and for keeping our skies safe and fun! Go team!

-MR

So this is a first: I’m on a flight to Chicago and sitting next to me is a midget. An actual midget. What are my responsibilities in terms of helping her get her bags from the overhead compartment?

-ES

UPDATE: the midget stood on the seat to get her bag. It was very methodical and I can tell she was a frequent flier.

-ES




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